8/28/15 Rene Brown
- Specializes in using vulnerability
- Top 5 TED talk.
- “if I’m not a little bit nauseous when I’m done” – rule of thumb for presenting.
- Vulnerability is a form of courage according to what people say in research.
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- Putting yourself honestly out there is hard
- TF – you can’t be courageous without exposing yourself to a risk.
- Shame is a painful experience or flaw and unworthiness.
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- ‘who do you think you are?’ when asking.
- Shame from an evolutionary perspective – exists to keep us from making the same mistake repeatedly.
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- As we evolved, it becomes crushing. Highly correlated with addiction, depression, violence, suicide.
- Guilt is the inverse. It is healthy and adaptive.
- Shame is a focus on self, guilt is a focus on behavior.
- Calling a kid a liar (shaming them) becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.
- TF – How do you balance having enough with what you have, with the competitive drive for always being better?
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- The soul of healthy competitiveness IS the would of growth and learning. And much healthier than competition from an unbalanced place.
- Competition from a place of balance is strength. Competition to fill a personal void is dangerous.
- TF – I am good, but I can be better.
- Perfectionism versus striving for excellence – unattainable versus doable.
- We all have shame triggers – things that someone can say that automatically are painful to the point of destruction.
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- We don’t push ourselves hard enough because we don’t want to encounter these shame triggers.
- Courage – when someone you love annoys you, instead of being a dick, say “you said x, and I’m under a lot of stress right now, so I might come across poorly.” courage is knowing when you’re unbalanced and calling yourself out.
- Have you dared greatly today? Doesn’t mean doing something crazy.
- Vulnerability versus incessant over sharing of emotions and inner dialogue.
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- Vulnerability minus boundaries does not equal vulnerability. It is oversharing, desperation.
- Share with people who earned that piece of your vulnerability.
- Oversharing your intimate details on Facebook is not vulnerability.
- TF – complaining triggers more suffering in those around you.
- Emasculation of men?
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- The #1 perpetrator of shame in men, are woman.
- Tough and tender can coexist.
- Daily practices:
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- Vulnerability is a daily practice. Try new ways, and build trust. Share little honest things daily.
- Starts her day with swimming, avoids phone first thing.
- Book gifted most: the alchemist.
- Success and happiness are dangerous words that lead to shame.
- Don’t be scary when you’re scared.
- TF – The only way to insure long term comfort is to have continual short term discomfort.